What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:00
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I don,t even have a pension.
It was going to be , some day.
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We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why am I more attracted to black men?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Put me off passion for life!!
I'm pretty sure that my dog is transgender, how would I go about transitioning it?
I waited trembling.
And i lived it daily.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
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I will be 64.
When she asked me how she looked .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Ive learnt so much.
How can fashion design be used to make a political statement in popular culture, and society?
I write beautiful poetry .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Would this be the day?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We were not on the streets..
But ive been too sick for many years..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why did i forgive my father ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it wasn’t much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I think the readers, may guess!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I never cut or harmed myself..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Comes on , in middle age.
So whats the point in blame.
Who then, do I blame.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I have no regrets .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was scared of men, in general
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What did i know ?
This is soul school!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was 9 years of age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He knew the spot.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She found it foreign!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But, we were locked up after school.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
All the time i was locked up.
I was very sick at this time too.
I said to her
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We all went to grammer schools
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She was in good health!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im still living with it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She loved him until the end.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She married twice! .
So, i spoilt her more .